Rules Men Wish Women Knew　　
     
      1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.
      2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, Put it down.
      3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair.

One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their

hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.
      4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the

perfect present yet again!
      5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you do not

want to hear.
      6. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
      7. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such

topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
      8. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
      9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
      10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
      11. You have enough clothes.
      12. You have too many shoes.
      13. Crying is blackmail.
      14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
      15. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work.

Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say
it!
      16. No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a

calendar.
      17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We are bound to miss sometimes.
      18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at

choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
      19. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
      20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That is what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
      21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
      22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
      23. Check your oil.
      24. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.
      25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
      26. No, it does not matter which quiz.
      27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments

become null and void after 7 days.
      28. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like

soap opera guys.
      29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you

sad or angry, we meant the other one.
      30. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it is genetic.
      31. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
      32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.
      33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
      34. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
      35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to
      complain about having their boobs stared at.
      36. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs.
      37. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months
      we were going out.
      38. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach is a fruit,

not a color.
      39. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
      40. If it itches, it will be scratched.
      41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
      42. If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the

closet/attic/basement.
      43. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability

is not proof of how little we care about you.
      44. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
      45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about having sex

with her. But do not worry; the fantasy includes you AND her, together.